The Word Weaver
Deb Weaver ~ Communicating God's love, grace, & truth
"Exposing My Enemy"
by The Word Weaver, Deb on April 13th, 2012

Picture my insidious enemy.  Perhaps you even know her.  Perhaps she harasses you as well.

Her hulking shadow darkens my every move.  Her familiar presence is unwelcome, yet she persists.  Her menacing voice causes me to cower.

If I'm trying something new, she plagues me with convincing doubts.  When I've had prior success in an area, she insinuates a leak in my current abilities.  She chokes the life and vibrancy from my feeble hopes and dreams.

She lurks in the shadows watching for weak moments.  She stalks.  Bullies.  Mocks.  Taunts.  Her name is Fear.

Fear and her ravenous wolf pack of lies and well-timed remarks corner me.  Growling.  Hissing.  Snarling.  "Deb, you're common.  You're boring.  Trust me; you have NOTHING to say.  We both know it.  Don't even try."

I've believed these lies for far too long.  Fear barely has to whisper them anymore since I'm her easy target.  Her tactics are predictable and known.  Her lies feel real.  They're so familiar I often forget that they originate from my enemy.  And believing her "feels" safer than the harder, scarier acts of following my dreams:
  • Choosing to hope
  • Choosing to practice writing
  • Choosing to risk
As much as Fear frightens me, there's odd comfort and safety in this familiar foe.  This is not good.

In the past couple of years, my longing to write has reawakened.  I've realized that if I continue to believe this enemy, then God's plan for my life will be stunted.  Fear must be confronted.  Courage is required.

I've tried chasing Fear from me.  Turned on the light.  Stamped my foot.  Hollered to scare her away.  I've shouted back, "That's not truth!"

Standing up to her has helped, but it is exhausting.  For though she retreats, she always returns.  Fear is persistent if nothing else!

In recent months, I've taken a new tack with her.  Instead of ignoring her (which obviously hasn't worked) and instead of expending enormous amounts of energy chasing her away, I have been merely making acquaintances with her.  Now, I'm not saying we're friends.  We're not, but if she's always going to dog my steps on some level, it's wise to acknowledge her presence and her strategies.

I'm learning to recognize that some (not all) of what she says may be true.  I have no guarantees that my ventures will be successful.  So I'm learning to shrug.  To take her comments in stride.  To admit the possibilities.  To sass back.  "Perhaps I won't have anything to say.  Perhaps I won't say it as well as others do.  Maybe I'll even fail.  But I have to try."
Max Lucado, in his devotional Grace For the Moment, encourages my heart, "At the beginning of every act of faith, there is often a seed of fear." (p. 278)

Am I afraid?  You bet!  I'm stepping forward anyway.  How about you?


##
Copyright 2012 The Word Weaver, Deb Weaver


Posted in Courage Required, Sweet Spots: I Was Made For This!    Tagged with Fear, Courage, Writing, Enemy


6 Comments

Cherie - April 13th, 2012 at 2:29 PM
:) You're doing great! Proud of you for sharing your insights and wisdom....for having courage!
The Word Weaver, Deb - April 13th, 2012 at 7:48 PM
Thanks, friend! I appreciate your encouragement!
Cathy - April 14th, 2012 at 7:29 AM
I see we have the same "friend". Fear is our worst enemy -- she knows exactly which buttons to push, when to push them, and exactly what to say at any moment to paralyze us. One thing "she" doesn't know, however, is that WE are stronger than "she" is! Stand tall! When you hear "her" speak, stand still, look "her" in the eyes, and say: YOU LIE! I AM NOT! You go, girl!!!!


The Word Weaver, Deb - April 14th, 2012 at 12:35 PM
Thanks, Cathy! It's nice to know others who struggle with her lies too! We can stand together!
Patti Winker - April 24th, 2012 at 6:40 PM
I love that you have acknowledged "Her"... have turned to face her when you hear her steps dogging you. I love that you have adopted the shrug and chosen to say "Hey you. Maybe I won't do something perfectly. But, I'm going to do it anyway."



Change feels dangerous. And when we sense danger we feel fear. And when we feel fear we feel stress. Unfortunately, our human nature is to try to avoid stress... so we try to avoid danger. Yeah, been there. I have listened to "Her" my whole life. Now at my age, I'm finally ready to tell her to shut the F up. Congrats for looking "Her" straight in the eye.



I'm enjoying scrolling around your blog. I found you through Kathi at SheWrinkles.net. Thanks for sharing your great writing and thoughts.
The Word Weaver, Deb - April 24th, 2012 at 7:47 PM
Patti,
It's nice to "meet" you! Kathi and I went to high school together, and I'm enjoying her blog as well. Thanks for reading and for cheering me on! Fear isn't quite as scary when you face her. It's a practice we all need to continue.
Leave a Comment